It is so oddly familiar having her under the roof again, but also I feel so distant. I'm in my office re-working the book that describes the absence of her and yet I hear her in the other room like a ghost making a batch of lentils (the kids favorite). Whenever she comes she makes a lot so we can freeze it. And yesterday she was making a sandwich for herself and offered to make one for me.

It is so odd being so close with someone I was once so close to. Yesterday, trick-or-treating with the kids, we passed a restaurant, Ruby Foos, on the Upper West Side. Back when we'd first met it was called Ernie's and I told her that I had taken her there on our first real date. It was there that we first realized that we had the same birthday. I still remember the chill that went through me.

This time I reminded her and she said, "Aww," but with a hint of forced sarcasm.

In general we don't really speak much even at times like now when we're the only two around. She was watching, "Tell Me You Love Me," on HBO and I just couldn't sit there and watch it with her. Though the show is pretentious and kind of boring (though Ally Walker is one of the great actresses of her generation), it would be too heavy to watch married couples go through their problems and fuck sitting next to my ex. I like a good personal story as much as the next guy but even I couldn't subject myself to that.