October Is the Cruelest Month
I can't tell you for how many years October, my birth month, has brought with it pressure, if not outright crisis. My poor car is still unsold though it shines like a new penny. All my various writing projects are all coming due and at me at the same time. I am without a girlfriend and in two weeks I will be forty-five years old.
My friend Greg Tate shares my birthday and he will be fifty and friends of his are throwing a day-long celebration. Luckily it is not actually on our birthday so I can go. For our birthday I would like nothing more than to hole up in a fleabag hotel room for twenty-four hours with a bottle of vodka and a pocket full of powerbars. I think that could be a great business. Sort of like those love hotels that charge by the hour, these hotels would have birthday specials and Valentine's Day special for singles where you check in on the eve of the event, they give you unlimited use of the minibar for 24 hours, and then at the stroke of midnight after the horror has passed you stumble outside either one day older (or having survived another Valentine's Day).
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I've got two kids to take care of. I can't exactly leave them a big bowl of food while I pity party.
It is also true that they are very powerful anti-depressants. I was in the middle of cataloging the various stressors on my life right now when I heard Chet rolling my skateboard up down our long hall. He was supposed to be taking his shower. As I prepared to scold him I looked up and saw my six-year-old float by on his knees, very naked, one arm thrust forward as if her were crossing the Delaware.
My friends, especially when their wives are out of town, tell me, "I don't know how you do it." I invariably shrug and say it's just the hand I was dealt. But the truth is more nuanced. It is much harder. Raising my kids is more my full-time job than my other full-time job of teaching at Columbia or my other full-time job of finishing this book, revising that play, re-starting that screenplay. And then there are my part-time jobs of an internet startup that I am crazy about and writing for the HuffingtonPost and NPR. Not to mention my hobbies of yoga, the gym and overseeing my leaky kidneys.
Comments
You are going to be turning 45 and you are without a girlfriend? Wah, wah, wah. Manjoyment in life is more than just a series of girlfriends. After all, you appear to be the most successful you have ever been in your life (or else your blogs are a series of exaggerations), you have your health (most of the time) and those two amazing kids who will promise you enjoyment, fart in front of your friends, and give you a reason to climb out of bed for at least the next 15 years.
AND your birthday is during the month of Halloween! You can have parties and require that all the ladies come as naughty nurses and maids...how tough can that possibly be?
If you were any more fortunate, we would have to sever a few of your fingers and amputate one of your limbs to create an illusion of parity in this world.
Happy Birthday Goddammit!
Posted by: Javacat | October 2, 2007 08:15 PM
Great writing; keep it coming!
I love the hotel idea for Valentine's Day; it really made me chuckle.
The kids will keep you going, even when you think you can't make it one more day...(or night).
I have no answers for you on finding a partner...haven't had any luck myself...online dating has been a bust...I still think the best way to meet someone is live and in person.
Keep dreaming, praying, writing,and taking care of yourself (so you can take care of your kids). I went to a seminar recently and took away one phrase: "Every challenge is an opportunity for learning and growth."
Best wishes!
Posted by: michele | October 3, 2007 11:29 AM
I read an article you wrote on dating as a father. I followed the links to your blog page. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing the story of the french lady. I have been D for a year, and Im attractive, seem to always get the "opposite" attention than what I am really looking for. I met this guy who had children too, and it was as you described with the frenchie, nothing seemed to go wrong and then, evaporation. Hard to get used to being alone again. My kids are 2, and 4...... sigh... its lonley. So I connected to what you said.
I guess what I want to know now is..... did you ever find that special woman? is there a happy ending, of love romance and the one true?
Parenthood can be so isolating, and then again like you said "anti-depressants".
I blog alot to get it all out too..... but i dont have a sense of writting...so mine just come out...as messy and unorganized as my sock drawrs. If you feel like saying hello- just advice or communication with a strange girl from the midwest. please feel welcome. Laura
sleepngangel@aol.com
Posted by: Laura Mosher | October 3, 2007 01:07 PM